In this backyard, there’s a luscious garden filled with vibrant flowers, savory vegetables, and scrumptious fruits and berries. There’s an arbor arching over a stepping stone path that weaves through the plants. Butterflies and bumblebees are happily visiting and pollinating the flora. Underneath a wooden bridge, a bubbling stream trickles into a pond occupied by friendly koi. It’s your garden.

The neighbors all have gardens, too. Some gardens are absolutely majestic, featuring grand water fountains, orchard trees, and greek-like statues. Others are dull and brown, the foliage shrugging and crippling away. Everyone’s garden is a bit different. No two are alike.

Sometimes you’ll help out with the neighboring gardens. You assist with building gazebos for the incredibly splendid gardens, and you’ll help fertilize and water the plants for the waning ones. Sometimes you might get a little carried away and stay for days and nights at these other gardens, offering your kindness and assistance. And sometimes, when you arrive back home, you find that your own vegetation began to wilt while you were away tending to others.

Other times, you get carried away with alternative life activities. Time slips between your fingers and, before you know it, it’s been days since you turned the sprinklers on. There may even be days that you just can’t find the energy to get up and trim leaves, plant new seeds, or harvest the ripe crops. These tasks get pushed aside, sometimes until it’s too late. The bugs have already devoured the berries and the pond is drying up.

Look, it’s okay if life gets a little overwhelming. It’s okay if the responsibilities feel too daunting. And it certainly is okay to put personal energy towards lifting and supporting those around you. At this point, you probably understand where I’m going with this garden analogy. The imaginative garden not only belongs to you, but it is you. You are the garden, and you need to be tended to and loved just as much as the other gardens.

An Intro to Self-Love

We hear the word “love” enough times throughout our daily lives to know the weight of its importance. We witness it, we wish for it, we experience it. However, when hearing the word “love,” we typically think of romantic affection between partners, bonded friendships, or the admiration shared between a family. Self-love is rarely at the forefront of our mind and is often neglected. Little do many know, this type of love may be the most important of them all. In her article “The Power of Self-Love,” Sharon Marton goes on to say, “Self-love lays the foundation for assertiveness, establishing boundaries, nurturing healthy relationships, practicing self-care, pursuing personal interests and goals, and feeling pride in one's identity.”(1) If we aren’t prioritizing self-love, how are we supposed to practice other types of love correctly?

Self-love is the acknowledgement and prioritization of your own needs, worth, and happiness. Just as you would treat your best friend, loving parent, or soulmate, you want to carry out this same care and respect towards yourself. This means that you need to pause and genuinely listen to your own self. What are your thoughts saying? What is your heart whispering? Everyone has demands and desires that need to be met. You are not the exception!

“When admiring other people's gardens, don't forget to tend to your own flowers.” - Sanober Khan

To practice and get in the habit of exercising self-love tendencies, we have to grow and nurture your garden. There are a few elements that are pretty essential to completing a harmonious oasis. These include rich soil, seeds, sunlight, a watering-can, and defined beds. There are many more important materials, of course, but each of these specific components correspond with a part of ourselves that we must tend to and support. To love yourself is to listen to all of you, so leaving out an essential component is like watering a patch of soil with no seeds.

Self-Acceptance: The Soil

To build up your garden, you first need some nourished soil for your future plants, dubbed self-acceptance. Self-love begins with wholeheartedly accepting yourself for who you are and acts as the foundation for this love. It’s time to stop burying certain parts of yourself and to instead bring them to the surface and embrace them. For a lot of us, this often means reflecting back on our childhood before we conformed to societal standards. Innocent and happy, we were more unafraid to enjoy certain interests, try and fail at new things, welcome our imperfections and specialities, and just showcase our goofiness and unmasked personality without the fear of being judged. Revisit your past self and welcome those pieces of you back. This may exhibit in the form of rediscovering old niche interests, taking up past activities that you enjoyed, or even reconnecting with fond memories. Whatever it may be, do it fearlessly.

Personally, I’ve been embracing my own nerdy interests with an unapologetic intensity. Playing games on an Xbox controller, reading fantasy romance novels, and laughing with my favorite YouTubers are all hobbies I appreciate alongside my goal-oriented activities. Combining all parts of me has been the best of both worlds. It’s more freeing to enjoy the things you like without the looming panic of someone judging you, and instead partaking in them because you find joy in it. Lay down that fertilized soil and spread it along your personal garden. Make sure it covers all of the garden—don’t be afraid to include all sides of yourself.

Your Interests: The Seeds

Once you have a foundation of healthy earth, it’s time to plant your favorite seeds. These seeds represent the many interests, passions, and dreams that help create the person you are today. Without setting aside time to nurture and encourage these enjoyments, you end up neglecting them until they wither into debris. To keep these passions alive and well, give yourself proper time to indulge in them. It’s incredibly important for us to rejoice in what brings us happiness and satisfaction.

Listen to what these seeds might be. Give yourself periods of time each week to take part in activities that bring a smile to your face or push your goals further. According to the Australian Government’s Department of Health, Disability and Ageing: “Spending time on an activity that you enjoy can improve your mental health and wellbeing. In fact, people with hobbies may be less likely to experience stress, low mood, and depression.”(2) Sign up for that pottery class you’ve been wanting to take. Go to the park and bask in the sun. Sit at your favorite coffee shop while doing work. Pick up that guitar again. Go to the basketball court. Sing in the shower. Start building up that clever idea of yours. Buy yourself a bouquet just because you love the smell of flowers. Do it all. Nobody can make you smile better than yourself. The more you give attention and care towards these seeds, the greater they will blossom and bring long term fulfilment.

“I must have flowers, always, and always.” - Claude Monet

Your Attitude: The Sunshine

When you have budding seeds in your garden, you have to sprinkle a little sunshine on them. Bringing light to your days through positivity, kindness, respect, and support is a building block you can’t exclude with self-love. To love yourself is to treat yourself with the same regard as you would others. You will always be your harshest critic, so you must balance it out through self-appreciation. Everyday is a great day to be you!

One method of practicing this includes looking at yourself in the mirror and saying genuinely compassionate things about yourself. Verbally compliment yourself as if you were hearing it from a stranger. “You look really good today.” “I love the top you’re wearing.” “Your smile is really nice.” Another method is to recognize all of your accomplishments and goals. One way of doing this is by writing down every experience that you’re proud of, as well as encouraging the development of your future objectives. Look at all you’ve achieved and the goals you dream of completing. You are your biggest cheerleader.

Being kind to yourself also means forgiveness and extending grace. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone gets stuck in strenuous situations, it’s inevitable. In order to move on from negative occurrences, we must recognize that we are only human. Absolutely nobody is perfect, so don’t be afraid of forgiving yourself. You need your own forgiveness before you’re able to fully heal and continue growing into a better version of you. Shine a little sunlight on yourself and envision your mind and soul being cleansed. Forgive yourself of your faults while taking a step closer towards becoming the person you want to be.

Your Physical Health: The Water

So far, you have soil, seeds, and sunlight. The garden is feeling a little dry now, so let’s add some refreshing water to encourage growth. Just like hydrating our budding plants with a trusty watering-can, we need to water ourselves through the physical act of taking care of our minds and bodies. This comes in many shapes and forms, but it all relates to paying attention and listening to our health. Eat when your stomach is growling. Drink water when you’re feeling thirsty or lightheaded. Take a walk or jog to get your blood flowing. Catch up on that lost sleep tonight. Enjoy an evening bubble bath.

We only receive one body in this life, so it’s crucial to take care of it. Being attentive towards your health and body doesn’t just mean fulfilling basic human necessities, but it also means carrying out actions that make you feel good about yourself. Maybe you noticed your stomach hurting lately, so you begin implementing more nutritious food groups in your meals. Maybe you want to practice mindfulness by taking up yoga or meditation. Maybe you get a new haircut because you’ve been craving a fresh look. Maybe you treat yourself to a pedicure and manicure for the day. Many of us feel at our best when our bodies are also in a healthy state, so you deserve to pay attention to your own wellness, hygiene, and style. Keep that watering can handy and you’ll remain feeling great about yourself.

Your Boundaries: The Garden Beds

Last but not least, we need to organize our garden. Creating defined beds for groups of flowers, fruits, and vegetables is important for the growth and management of these plants. This symbolizes the boundaries and standards that you assertively set for yourself and the people around you. I highly encourage people to put themselves out there and try new things, but it’s also extremely important to know your absolute limit for certain scenarios. Don’t be afraid to draw a line at an uncomfortable interaction. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to an activity that you’re certain will leave you emotionally or physically drained. These boundaries and limits are how we protect ourselves and establish a respectable sureness, ensuring a better chance of not feeling discomfort or getting hurt.

You must stay true to your set limits. If you let a few uncomfortable things slide, they are more likely to occur. For example, if a friend of yours does something they know you specifically don’t appreciate, and you shrug it off, then it’s likely this action will be repeated. The boundary has been tested, and you brushed it aside, therefore this friend knows they could probably get away with the same and similar actions. For your own sake, you must stay firmly planted with your boundaries. You have the right to be respected.

Assembling the Garden Together

Now, you have all your essentials together, creating one charming garden! The more you tend to it, all parts of the garden, then the more it flourishes. But some of you may be feeling a bit hesitant to pour all this energy and time into yourself because you see it as selfishness rather than a type of love. And to you, my lovely empaths, there is a very distinct difference between what we call self-love and narcissism or selfishness. Self-love focuses on improving and attending to the self, while selfishness relies on benefiting yourself at the expense of others.

If you find yourself constantly putting other’s needs before your own, you have no reason to be worried about acting selfish. It especially doesn’t make you selfish if you decide to reel in some of your energy to focus on yourself. Those of you who split your strength between loved ones and strangers or those of you who can’t find a reason to justify self-care, I want you to know that you deserve to be at your best, always. You are worthy enough to experience a lifetime of happiness, and all you have to do is influence a single person: yourself.

Consider your garden. It’s okay if you forget a few responsibilities. I encourage you to help out your friendly neighbors. But your amazing garden should always come first. Your garden matters, too.

Works Cited:

1. Martin S. Psychology Today [Internet]. Sussex Publishers; [cited 2026 Mar 10]. The Power of Self-Love. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202306/the-power-of-self-love

2. Medicare Mental Health [Internet]. Australian Government Department of Health, Disability and Ageing; [cited 2026 Mar 10]. Purposeful activity. Available from: https://www.medicarementalhealth.gov.au/living-well/purposeful-activity

Credit

Editor: Piper Ruth

Research Consultant: Emmerson Borthwick

Illustrator: Adri Chavez

**The Beamish Club does not offer professional medical advice, treatments, nor diagnosis. Anything written and published by The Beamish Club is not a direct replacement for medical treatment. If you have health concerns, please seek advice from your local health and mental health professionals for treatment plans.**